Falling off the wagon:
So today marks a turning point in a stressful period of trying to lose weight for the last 8 months... Things were going well at the tail end of last year and then I encountered stress like I've never had before, Christmas was a disaster for many reasons and it seems like by losing the grip of fear and learning to care less about well, just about everything (well at least not to the neurotic point I had been) seems to alleviate the stress.
Stress to weight loss, is like tilt to a poker player, it seriously fucks with your cool and makes you susceptible to danger foods, being too stressed to cook, so ordering Chinese, being so stressed that eating an entire bag of Jelly Babies is the unconscious behaviour. Or perhaps the 'well deserved' fast food after the day from hell, which was actually a normal day but just viewed from the mindset of someone who is losing the battle. Too stressed to go out for a jog, too stressed to work-out, there's far too much stuff to be getting on with, organising, or generally just flapping about being a primadonna, melodramatic whore.
An old boss of mine once told me that I shouldn't need to be stressed, that I shouldn't worry about things I can't influence, and have a sense of urgency to deal with the things in my grasp, then not worry about it until I need to act on it again. Well, what he's asking for is impossible and I've spent a good while wrangling in my head over how wrong he actually is. But hey, what if I applied the principle? I know for a fact I'll be stressed again, but what if stopped worrying at 1:00am when there is fuck all I can do about something and worried more at the exact moment in time I needed to, dealing with said stresses and then getting on with life.
Anyways, here is a little post to blurt out what's in my head. The next few months are going to be a concerted effort to get out and use my legs more, eat smarter and not let the stress that builds in life get the better of me.
Like Danielsan, I must focus. Time to trim it some moar.
